Abnormal

Abnormal

A Different Man

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“To be counted among the best, you must be different from the rest.” -kR

He approached her and said, “These other men obviously think you’re pretty but I’m afraid they’re either blind or simply gravely mistaken…”
She looked up at him most contemptuously, as if feeling insulted. But before she could retort in kind he continued, “You’re much more than that…”
Just a moment ago he had her resentment. Now he had her attention.
“Just in case you’re just as mistaken, please allow me to show you what I mean…”
As she sat in her seat perplexed by the range of emotions this strange man had just taken her through in mere moments, he perplexed her even further. Taking a knee before her he removed a mirror from his coat pocket, held it up to her face and said, “Tell me beautiful stranger, what is it you see?”
“Uhm…pieces of me I guess?” She replied timidly. “Your mirror is broken, Sir…I don’t understand.” In response he simply gave a hint of a smile. Tucking the mirror away he said, “Now look me in the eyes and tell me what it is you see.”
At this point she was transfixed to her seat, uncertain about what to think, say or do. Never before had she been approached in such a manner, or by such a manner of man. And she had been approached more times than she even cared to remember, and by more men than she’d ever bother to consider. But to say that this man was different would be an understatement. He then extended his hand toward her as if requesting a formal dance. Taking her left hand in his right he placed a gentle kiss upon it. As he did, he looked into her big, lovely, curious brown eyes and said, “What you saw when you looked into my broken mirror were but fragments of the puzzle that you are; parts of your body and pieces of your heart that reflected the misplaced desires of many a common man, and the many failures of your previous men, respectively…”
By this time her breathing was getting heavy as she had begun to feel the thoughts in her mind accelerate and the heartbeat in her chest palpitate. “What you saw when you looked into my eyes was the future, the whole picture; the full reflection of the wonder of woman I am certain is to become my completion. And I…”
Without thinking she said, “I do!” Realizing her response might have been way too premature and feeling embarrassed for it, she quickly turned her gaze from him and down at her feet. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” She was amazed at how such a routine task had suddenly become a near impossible feat for her.
“It’s okay, I was just wondering if you would care to share this dance with me.”
It was only then she realized that she hadn’t even noticed when the soft music had started playing. Regaining her bearings and only appearing to regain her signature composure, she smiled from ear to ear and looked up at him. “How could I possibly say no now?”

P.S. Sometimes, when a woman so easily says yes to a man it is not because she is easy; some men just make it difficult for a woman to say no.

Outstanding

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A Secret Name

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You couldn’t spell her name without…ah never mind that cliche, just call her unique. For truly eyes have never before beheld such a mesmerizing physique. And while her physical appearance is naturally endearing, it is her mental prowess that is most positively appealing. What wonder of woman; beyond wonderful actually, the eighth wonder of the world if we’re talking factually. I met her when she was but a caterpillar, and yet I knew this was a creature I’d someday want to make my pillar. The embodiment of language, culture, and diversity, this woman’s portrait would be the envy of the Mona Lisa. It’s a privilege to be counted among her compatriots; honestly a visit with her ought to require a visa. To accurately capture her personality I’d have to commission Da Vinci to create another masterpiece. She could make your heart go to war and still manage to leave your mind at peace. I believe her favorite word is Serendipity. I do wonder, what it would take to have Webster’s Dictionary replace it with __________.

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Math I Am

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“I’m not the common denominator, I’m the standard deviation.” -kR

The equation I had to solve to arrive at this point was very difficult.
It took me several angles, countless functions and multiple variables.
The Statistics were dismal and my Probability for success abysmal.
Not sure which was worse – my Pythagoras dilemma or my misCalculus.

All I remember clearly is that the Matrices had me far from rational.
Were the numbers real or were they prime?
How much farther did I have to extend my radius in order to reach my diameter?
I couldn’t tell while trapped in my oversized parabolas.

I do recall that in my limited circumference someone offered me Π
I was elated until I discovered that this Π was rather tasteless.
Then I met a lovely figure, a Sweet 16 in whom I was well delighted.
Until I found that the Square of my feelings was merely the Square Root of hers.

I was depressed for a while in the small Area where I lived.
Not to mention the pain I endured while circling her Perimeter over and over.
The length and the width, times two; again and again and again.
It’s hard not to reminisce about my lost x, who many are still trying to find today.

One Professor X once told me that there would always be a need to find her.
But after I’d found x umpteen times I found myself looking for y.
Fearing it wouldn’t be much longer before I would be asked to find both x and y,
I gave up on such infinite and futile searches altogether.

I took a long voyage with several others aboard The Geometry.
Soon enough we encountered a storm that left us stranded on the Island of Trigonometry.
From there, there would be no escaping until the rescue ship Algebra came around our way.
And that’s how I came upon the Quadratic Formula that forever changed my life.

I multiplied my strengths and divided my weaknesses.
I added my faith and subtracted my fear.
It was then that I truly became a factor.
It was then that the fraction that was me was converted into a whole number.

Today, I am confident as I approach life’s multitude of problems.
I know that as long as I have the right formula I can solve them all.
For years I have practiced and put my skills to the test.
I have even earned a brand new name – Math I Am.

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You are Chivalry

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“You cannot afford to let other people’s negative reactions dictate your positive actions.” -kR

I guess you could say I’m old school:  I’ll open doors; they’re not that heavy! I’ll call; I’ve got unlimited minutes! I’ll pay; it ain’t tricking if you got it!

Oh, so you decided to stop being yourself because some myopic woman called you thirsty for being a gentleman? Well, do you know what’s worse than being thirsty? Being an idiot!

Fellas, believe it or not, Chivalry has less to do with the woman than it has to do with you! How do you identify yourself? Don’t stoop to the level of the immature woman who doesn’t appreciate such a longstanding natural gesture, courtesy of a genuine, real man. Keep calm and seek one who does!

Let he who has ears listen. Godspeed!

P.S. Chivalry is not something a man does, but rather something a man is. Therefore, Chivalry can never die as long as unapologetic gentlemen yet live.

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