Math I Am

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“I’m not the common denominator, I’m the standard deviation.” -kR

The equation I had to solve to arrive at this point was very difficult.
It took me several angles, countless functions and multiple variables.
The Statistics were dismal and my Probability for success abysmal.
Not sure which was worse – my Pythagoras dilemma or my misCalculus.

All I remember clearly is that the Matrices had me far from rational.
Were the numbers real or were they prime?
How much farther did I have to extend my radius in order to reach my diameter?
I couldn’t tell while trapped in my oversized parabolas.

I do recall that in my limited circumference someone offered me Π
I was elated until I discovered that this Π was rather tasteless.
Then I met a lovely figure, a Sweet 16 in whom I was well delighted.
Until I found that the Square of my feelings was merely the Square Root of hers.

I was depressed for a while in the small Area where I lived.
Not to mention the pain I endured while circling her Perimeter over and over.
The length and the width, times two; again and again and again.
It’s hard not to reminisce about my lost x, who many are still trying to find today.

One Professor X once told me that there would always be a need to find her.
But after I’d found x umpteen times I found myself looking for y.
Fearing it wouldn’t be much longer before I would be asked to find both x and y,
I gave up on such infinite and futile searches altogether.

I took a long voyage with several others aboard The Geometry.
Soon enough we encountered a storm that left us stranded on the Island of Trigonometry.
From there, there would be no escaping until the rescue ship Algebra came around our way.
And that’s how I came upon the Quadratic Formula that forever changed my life.

I multiplied my strengths and divided my weaknesses.
I added my faith and subtracted my fear.
It was then that I truly became a factor.
It was then that the fraction that was me was converted into a whole number.

Today, I am confident as I approach life’s multitude of problems.
I know that as long as I have the right formula I can solve them all.
For years I have practiced and put my skills to the test.
I have even earned a brand new name – Math I Am.

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The Circle of Life

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“The difference between a man and a boy is analogous to that between a lion and a cub. One’s king, while the other plays around like he’s king.” -kR

These days I see but a jungle full of cubs posing for lions. Too many Simbas, not enough Mufasas! Oh so you just can’t wait to be king, and yet you couldn’t get your so called queen a wedding ring. First you sniffed her all around, getting her all aroused. Then you played around her, then you played around with her, then you played with her, and then ultimately you played her. Your roar was so fake, for you swore she was your only cake. But then she caught you eating quite a number of other cupcakes. And now you come crawling back to me talking about how the stakes…are so high, and you just have to have her back. Fool, you’d still have her if only you’d never turned your back on her, but had continued to have her back instead of cheating behind her back. It was your pride that was your undoing. Now you are a victim of your own wrongdoing. No son, it’s not that life is unfair, it’s just the circle of life! What goes around comes around…and now you’ve crash landed into the ground – a wounded lion. Now tell me, what hurts more – is it your heart or your pride? That’s important for you to decide. For you see, if it’s the former, then there’s hope for you yet; because while hearts may bend they can still mend if you would make amends. But if it’s the latter, then understand that no amount of flatter will help you resolve this matter. I’m afraid my own pride will not let me welcome you back into the Pride. For a lion to claim a queen he must first become a king. Until you learn that lesson my little cub, you deserve no more than those thirsty little hyenas. Remember:  In the jungle, you only reap what you sow! Now at last my dear son, now at least…you know!

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